Biggest Loser

Bring it on girls!!
Ok really I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. I know I've teased you about saying this to me but it really made me think.
"I know your track record"
I fail at this everytime I try.
Why can't I do this?
Why is it soooo hard for me to not quit?
If you want something bad enough why can't you stick with it?
The doc said "I truely believe if you visualize something you can have it" WHAT??? Is he smoking crack, if that was true we would all be millionares, I'm sure!
Kidding aside I think I see what he is saying. He was trying to be motivational but honestly there has not been a single day in my life that I haven't thought about what it would be like to not be fat. I have been overweight all my life. I wasn't as fat as I thought I was in high school but I think thats cause people told me I was fat and I was teased about being fat so I pictured myself so fat. I was FAR from normal weight but I wouldn't say I was fat. Now I'm fat.
SOOOO what to do, I don't know. I was going the surgery route but due to insurance issues and mostly me chickening out thats not gonna happen. I think even with surgery I was afraid I couldn't do it and then WOW what a failure that is, can't even lose weight after they modify your body so you can lose weight.
That brings me to the biggest loser. I already want to quit. I'm a big talker haha and I say I'm gonna win, I joke about beating everyone but I would rather just quit now so I don't have to be the real loser.
I'm real tired of the "I'll start again on Monday"
I think I need to end the love affair with food, how do you do that?
Why am I blogging about this? Probably cause I know its time to make my blog private so why not go all out and tell ya how I really feel.
Someday I hope to have a better track record, then my family, kids and bestest bffs can be proud of me!