It Makes You Think

I got back from visiting Grandma a little bit ago. I'm pretty sad about it. It's hard to explain so bear with me. Of course I'm sad that the little ole lady with a huge heart of gold had to have surgery but Im more sad about whats going to happen now. I briefly asked my aunt if they had a prognosis for her, where will she go from here. And of course she didn't have an answer because they are all taking it one day at a time, which they should. Those of you that didn't know her...picture a fireball of activity, someone that was always done up, always had baked goods ready for visitors, always jumped up to offer you a diet coke or some juice. The last few years that I've gone to visit her she's just been down and out. The reason for this IM ABSOLUTELY SURE is that her best friend and reason for living, my grandpa passed away. So here she is at 84 yrs old having brain surgery. Today she was someone I didn't even recognize. She was feisty and kept making ugly faces at people. She called the nurses bitches cause they wouldn't bring her any water. Funny at the time but now brings tears to my eyes. Thats not my grandma.
I'm not saying she should give up because I know that is up to Him to decide but this is one of those times when I question His logic. I know my grandpa is looking down on her making big plans for when they are together again and that makes me smile. I continue to pray for her, for peace and I pray for my dad and his brother and sisters so they can remember the good days and so that they have peace and acceptance for whatever He decides.
Thats what I received today, peace. Knowing that i was able to hold her hand and tell her that I love her. Hoping that some day soon she's back to her old self and we'll be visiting her at her house but also knowing that if that doesn't happen I'm ok with that too.